Thursday, September 29, 2005

Raphael's Repent

Hi, my name is Caleb and I am 14 and I have been a writer since I was 9. My dad let me have this blog so I could display my short story that is entered in the contest at Faith in Fiction. Have a look and tell me what you think.

Thank you,


Raphael’s Repent
Caleb Meigs

A man trudged through the dense forest. The full moon shone with a silvery light. He leaned against a thick pine and finished the last of his rum.

“Never enough for a trip.”

Raphael Craton was a valiant knight of the King Sedroe, Ruler of Harrinsow, a small country lost in history. He left because he realized the corruption in the kingdom and the church, which ruled all. Because of this corruption, he hated the church and didn’t believe in God.

A scar ran from his left eye down to his lip. He earned it as a child, while fighting a bandit who killed his mother. With the aid of a villager armed with a pitchfork, the bandit died and Raphael left to become a knight as was his father. Five years after receiving knighthood, he left upon his journeys.

He had dark brown hair, and deep hazel eyes and his beard was rough and jagged. His sword had been in his family for generations and it had a name; Leocrad, the Sword of the Lion. The hilt was incrusted with the family insignia, a black lion head roaring. Both eyes were rubies. The blade had three tips at it’s end.

A sudden eruption of howls came from the brush. “Wolves!” His eyes widened as four more howls arose from all sides.

He drew his sword, just as a gray wolf leapt at Raphael. The wolf snapped at the sword as three came out from around him. Snarling back at the wolves he walked backward until a giant oak guarded his back. He held his sword up, and kept his stance firm.

“I’m going to die...” he said quietly to himself.

The wolves crept ever closer and then the alpha wolf led the charge. Raphael squinted and turned his head away. As the wolf was yet in the air, a cool breeze swept in and a white lion jumped from the brush upon the wolf. The wolf cried in agony, and died. Then the lion jumped six feet strait up into the air, came down upon two of the remaining wolves and snapped their spines. Raphael ran his sword through the heart of the last one.

Raphael stepped back and marveled at the Lion. It stared him strait in the eyes and then licked it’s left paw. It walked over to surprised Raphael, and rubbed against his side, like that of what a house cat would do. He stroked the strange cat’s head, and smiled.

A sudden flash of light hit Raphael’s eyes, and he was in another forest where an angel appeared.

“The Lion is sent from the Lord. His name is Daniel…” his voice boomed like a waterfall.

“What is going on!?!”

Another sudden burst of light lit up the night and he was back in the forest with the white lion, Daniel.

“I’m going to call you Daniel, alright with you?”

Raphael yawned, though weary from his days of travel he didn’t want to stop in the forest, too many dangers. They walked until the red and golden light of morning filtered though the trees. Then they came upon a small meadow. Cloudy white seeds flew threw the air, and cool breezes blew over them. Daniel walked to a patch of tall grass and padded it down with his paws. He laid down and purred himself to sleep, which is strange for a lion who is supposed to roar instead.

“Awake Daniel, we can’t rest yet. Wait until we reach the village.”

Daniel still slept. “Fine! Sleep! I’ll go along without you, you abomination!” Raphael yelled.

Daniel’s right eye opened, and he growled. Raphael put his hands up apologetically, and stepped backward.

“All right, all right. I’m sorry, I’ll stay.”

Daniel closed his eye, and went back to sleep. Raphael laughed, and watched the sun rise, now in it’s final colors. Soon Raphael’s eyes closed also.


Raphael awoke with a start. A Rabbit jumped from the grass and Daniel lunged and killed it. His stomach rumbled as Daniel ate his lunch. Digging out some dried meat and bread from his pack, he fed himself also. As he ate, he polished Leocrad. He looked into the silvery blade, and reflected on the coming trouble. Feelings of rage and confusion stained both his mind and soul.

Soon, the duo began again their journey. They walked for a while, until they smelled smoke. They were at a village. The villagers were stunned at the sight of Daniel. Some looked disgusted, others with fear. Raphael cocked his right brow, and looked towards some of the villagers.

“Daniel my friend, I wonder where we may stay and be welcomed. For it seems that the good people here do not like us. Should we tell them your secret?” Raphael asked, looking down at his friend.

Daniel looked up towards Raphael, who nodded.

“We should, and will. Good people of…Um….” Raphael stood, forgetting the name of the village.

“Roseow!” a man shouted to him.

“Ah! Roseow, thank you good sir! People of Roseow, my friend Daniel here has a secret. Can you guess what it is?” Raphael asked, putting his hand on his hip.

“He is a shaved White Tiger?” one person asked.

“No.” Raphael replied.

“He has seizures?” another villager asked.

“No, he-…” Raphael was cut off by a young woman.

“Of course not, he’s a man killer!” she said.

Raphael put his hands up in protest, but screams were already coming from every side. Women grabbed their children, and brought them inside of their homes. Men grabbed pitchforks and sickles. Raphael grabbed his sword and unsheathed it, as the men came closer.

“Daniel, I’m afraid we’re going to have to fight.” Raphael said, looking a man in the eyes.

Daniel crouched into a pouncing stance, and Raphael gritted his teeth. As the men were about to attack, an old woman yelled for them to stop.

“But, Miss Carole, this is a killer animal! Why do you tell us to stop?” a man asked.

“This Cat is no killer! It wouldn’t hurt anyone! Come here child.” She waved for Raphael and Daniel to come over.

She pet Daniel, and laughed with delight. She then suddenly looked up at the men with a scowl. With a humph, she walked away, bringing our two hero’s with her. They walked into her home, sat down.

Daniel fell asleep by the small fireplace. Hours later, Raphael had a cup of tea, and talked with the woman. She watched him carefully, hardly blinking. Raphael noticed this, and set down his tea.

“Yes?” he asked.

“God must really love you to send a sign like Daniel.”

“A sign?” Raphael asked, bowing his head slightly.

“Yes, a sign to protect you, and give you a greater bond with God.” She said.

“No, Daniel is no sign, and God is a hoax.” Raphael stated.

Carole scowled and shook her head.

“You don’t believe in God?” she asked.

“No. God’s an invention of the church.” He said, taking a sip of his tea.

She set her cup down with a slam, waking Daniel.

“What’s wrong!?!” Raphael asked, stunned.

“Now I see why he sent Daniel…” she said quietly to herself.

Suddenly, screams could be heard outside.

“What’s going on out there?!?” Carole asked, standing up.

Raphael ran outside as did Daniel. A horrific sight was before them. Homes were on fire, villager’s slaughtered and young children crying. Some knights were picking up a villager by the throat.

“We have done…Nothing wrong…Why are you killing us…” the villager asked.

“The King says that the High Priest believes Satan rules your village…Hehehe…So we were sent to destroy it.” The Knight holding him said.

He then threw the villager to the ground, and unsheathed his sword. As he was about to stab the man, Raphael hit the knight’s sword to the ground.

“Now that was rude of you, to stab a gentleman without proper introductions.” Raphael said with a smile.

The knight growled with anger and pulled up his sword. Raphael shook his head and stepped backward. The other two knights were about to slash at Raphael, but were surprised to learn that a three hundred pound cat had other plans for them.

As the Leader watched his goons get mauled by Daniel, Raphael stabbed him at the chest. The knight fell to the ground, and grabbed his wound. Hearing the screams from his comrades, the knight got up and jumped unto his horse. He turned and yelled, “It doesn’t matter! The town is destroyed, and we have fifty men!” and with that, he left the village.

Raphael watched as the knight rode off, and then went to the hurt man’s aid. He brought him to the village doctor. He scowled in anger, and shook his head. He walked back to Carole’s house with Daniel. The smell of smoke filled their nostrils.

Confusion was evident throughout the village. Children crying, trying to find their mothers, dogs whelping in pain. It was a wonder Raphael didn’t hear the soldiers earlier, and that he didn’t smell the smoke, or for that matter that Daniel didn’t.

Moments later they arrived at Carole’s. Daniel went to the fire place, and laid his head. His lustrous green eyes moist and tears slowly fell. Raphael suggested to Carole that he got smoke in his eyes, but the truth of it is that he was sobbing for the innocent villagers whose lives were suddenly torn apart, and burned to ashes.

“I’m going to the kingdom.” Raphael said, looking out the window.

Carole’s eyes widened, and her mouth opened slightly. Her expression was one of shock, and horror. There was no way that she was going to let him leave.

“If you go to the kingdom, you most certainly will be captured. My husband went there and never returned. You’re so young, and have a long life to live. Don’t waste it going there, just to die.” she said, begging to tear.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve made my decision. I’m going, but Daniel will not.” Raphael said, standing up.

As he said this, Daniels head rose, and he wore a determined look on his face. This was not the same house cat that he was moments ago, no; this was the look of a lion. He stood up and walked towards Raphael.

Standing in front of him, he slashed at Raphael’s chest. Carole screamed and Raphael stepped back. The shocked expression on Carole’s face was evident, as well as Raphael’s. Daniel sat holding his head high, looking above.

As Raphael looked down to his chest, birds began singing, and the sound of the fires, and disheartened villagers ceased. Raphael’s wound bled, and from the blood, a luminous light shined. His eyes wider than ever and his voice cracked as he quietly screamed.

Raphael looked at Daniel, who still sat staring at the ceiling. Raphael then began to wonder if God was truly real, and if Daniel was, a sign like Carole said. Just as suddenly as when Daniel first arrived and met Raphael, a sweet coolness swept the room. The wound began too heal, and remarkably, the blood was completely transformed to light.

Raphael took a seat, and felt for the wound. It was warm, and damp from the sweat that he made from fear.

“That was a miracle.” Raphael said, and Carole nodded in agreement.

“So young one, do you still think God is a hoax?” She asked.

“I’m not sure…Maybe…I don’t know. Even if he is real, I still don’t trust him. I need a moment to rest; I was just slashed by a lion.” Raphael said.

Carole shook her head in disappointment. God did something amazing for him, and he still doesn’t trust him. Would a normal man have suffered? Would a normal man have died? Would another man without God’s favor have been killed? This was a test, and she knew it.

“If you go, you must bring Daniel.” She said, staring at the door.

Raphael looked at her in distress. Did she really want him to bring the animal that had moments before slashed at his chest? He began to wonder if this woman was mad, or if the tea was not in good condition.

“You must bring him; you will not survive without him. You will bring down this corrupt kingdom. And he will help you to see the right path.” She said looking at the angelic lion.

Raphael did the same, and nodded. “I suppose your right. He will be a good asset. Come Daniel, we must leave now.”

He quickly got another shirt and walked out the door. They made their goodbyes, and headed off. The wind blew in the old woman’s hair, and she knew things were going to be all right.


The courageous duo traveled threw a forest for three days, and arrived at the castle. Two guards went to stop them, but were quickly knocked into the moat. As Raphael and Daniel walked across the open drawbridge, four knights, including the one who was at the village attacked, but suffered a fate in the moat.

Raphael and Daniel walked into the king’s tower, and killed the guards. The two ran up flights of stairs for a few moments, and made it towards were the king was. The King’s eyes were a deep brown, and his facial hair light. He smiled and began to laugh.

Next to him was the High Priest, who also had a look of amusement. His eyes a cold blue, and hair long, and sleek.

Raphael scowled and pointed his sword to the king. “Your corruption ends here! You have no right to destroy villages because of false acquisitions!”

The king smiled and clapped. Raphael dropped his sword a touch, in confusion. Suddenly, ten knights surrounded Raphael, and ten more around Daniel.

“There is no corruption here, I’m afraid you are mistaking.” The king said.

“Sedroe! I will kill you! You have spilled the blood of innocents, who would never deserve to die!” Raphael said, stepping forward.

Three of the knights drew their swords towards Raphael’s throat. He fell to the ground and crawled backwards. Suddenly, a flash of light, just like the one in the forest, appeared in his eyes.

Again, he was in the forest, and an angel stood carving a piece of wood. He got up and stepped towards Raphael.

“I am an Angel of the Most High God. He will protect you, as long as you trust and believe in him. He sent his only son for your sins, and the sins of the world. Satan has accused you of not believing in God, and not trusting him.

“Daniel was sent to you for a reason…He was sent for your healing...You must repent, or you will never win against Sedroe.” He thundered.

“Repent? Never! God is not to be trusted! Look at what he had Sedroe do! Those poor villagers were slain, and God didn’t lift a finger to help! Repent, no, I will never repent to a God who aids the evil, and doesn’t help the fragile!”

The Angel began to grip the small piece of wood he had been carving on moments earlier. It smoothened and formed a cross. A golden chain formed and the Angel smiled. His icy blue eyes showed hope, and he raised his left brow.

“He doesn’t help the fragile? Those people all believed in God, and are with him. Three months from now, an evil band of murderers are going to come to Roseow; they plan to torture slowly the residents. He sent those soldiers to give them a quick death instead. Those murderers will still come, but with you to train the remaining, they shall survive.”

“He helps the fragile, and the evil will be judged.” The Angel said.

Raphael’s eyes began to tear; he shook his head and closed his eyes. His teeth gritted and he grabbed his forehead. His eyes opened, and he said, “God would never take me back, even if I asked. I have done too much, and have mistrusted him too greatly. I will never be forgiven.”

“You must still hold to your confusion and stupidity, for you do not realize how much the Lord loves you! Nothing is too hard for him, and he loves you more than you can imagine. Now, let Daniel lift you of your burdens. Come Daniel.” The Angel called, waving his hand toward Raphael.

Daniel walked over, and stood in front of Raphael. He then slashed Raphael as he did before, but instead of pain, he felt warmth. The anger, sorrow, and confusion that had been gathering inside of him melted. He cried out his confessions to the Lord and asked forgiveness.

The Angel smiled and handed him the cross. He then said, “You had better leave, now.”

With another flash, Raphael returned to the room and stood up. The Holy Spirit poured into him, and he recited Psalms 3. All of the knights fell to the ground unconscious. Daniel pounced at the priest, and took his corrupted life away. Raphael walked towards King Sedroe, and said, “May the Lord God forgive you, as he did me.”

What happened to the king shall remain a mystery; left to be played out in you’re minds. Whether Raphael did away with him or not, one thing shall be known, Raphael’s life changed forever.

Raphael looked out the large window in the wall, he grinned. The Holiness of God indwelled him. He marveled at how Psalms 3 simply flowed out of him, considering he had never read a Bible.

Raphael and Daniel’s continued adventures are to be told another time. Alas, to end this story, Raphael walked into the sunset singing praises to God. Daniel, the strange sign, walked along side of him.


Blogger sally apokedak said...

Caleb, I'm so glad you joined the contest. It's never too early to start on a writing career.

Tell your dad to let you keep the blog and you keep on writing. Ya done good. =0)


7:19 PM  
Blogger Don said...

Nice story Caleb. You're a natural. If only I wrote as well as you when I was your age.


8:29 PM  
Blogger Rulan said...

Wish I wrote as well as this when I was your age. Keep up the good work. Hope your dad lets you keep the blog. May the Lord use you and guide you.

11:39 PM  
Blogger The Curmudgeon's Rant said...


I am proud of you son. I liked your last minute changes. Good job! Did I mention that I am proud?

Now, put down the mp3 player and finish your homework!


2:00 PM  
Blogger Gina Burgess said...

Caleb, this is an excellent story! You show a remarkable understanding of how God's works in the Big Picture for the good to those who love Him. I feel blessed for the reading.

I would like to make just one suggestion, if I might? As I was reading the story, I felt breathless. I was trying to figure out why, and then I realized that it is because you have mostly short sentences. There is nothing ungramatical about that, it just makes for a good reading flow if you mix up short with medium and longer sentences.

But, the storyline is really good! And the development of the story is really good.

8:04 PM  

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